A
version of this essay was presented as a part of “Building Bridges Between the
Professions: A Talk about Working with Sex,” featuring Carol Queen and Susan
Miranda, at the Center for Sex and Culture, San Francisco, May 22, 2007.
It is a new experience for me to be
at a Masturbate-a-thon, but I already have observed Carol Queen masturbate on
stage at the Playwrights’ Center in Minneapolis. I wouldn’t go on stage and masturbate myself
at a Masturbate-a-thon, but I have participated in Betty Dodson’s masturbation
workshop in New York City in 1992. There
are fine lines between what I would do and what I wouldn’t do and fine lines
between what we might call sex work and other work.
I saw the Sex Workers’ Art Show that
traveled the United States in 2002.
After the show, I went up to some of the performers and asked, what is the
difference between what you do and what I do as a pelvic model? For five years I’ve let future doctors,
nurses, and chiropractors practice pelvic exams, using a speculum and breast
exams on my body out of an attempt to teach both technique and how to do those
exams in an emotionally sensitive way. Maybe the intent in pelvic modeling is
not to create or experience sexual pleasure, but that does not mean it can’t
occur. And I certainly have had
instances where I felt I was treated as though I was doing sex work.
Sex workers, tantra facilitators,
sex coaching, sexological bodyworkers, sacred intimates, doctors, nurses, AIDS
caregivers, sacred prostitutes. Who uses
touch, and who does not? And why does it
have to be so threatening if someone feels a little or very aroused? It’s just touch. Sexual arousal or sensation all by itself
does not have to be threatening. It’s
what we do with it, or the intent behind it, that is much more important.
Perhaps the question we should be asking
is not who is using touch but what kind of touch is being used. No touch is bad except non-consensual,
disrespectful, seedy, or creepy touch, and then it is not the touch that is
bad, it is the non-consent, disrespect, seediness, or creepiness that is bad. The most important thing is the intent, and
that isn’t visible. It is a lot easier
to make overt rules about our bodies and sex than exploring the subtle
components that go into all of our human interactions.
I used to tell the future doctors
and nurses as they practiced on my body that only they know when their intent
is good or not. I couldn’t say when
their intent was not good, but I could trust myself and speak up when it didn’t
feel right to me. Maybe that is where
our focus should be. Instead of being
protective of people as though sex and touch are dangerous, we ought to empower
people to trust themselves, speak up for themselves, and know themselves. At least that is where I am putting my time
and energy as I go around publicly talking about sexual healing, sacred
intimacy, the concept that all of our body is good and deserving of touch –
yes, even the genitals.
I will never excuse the violence
and disrespect that can exist in our society.
But it is not just the violence towards my genitals that I will not
excuse. It is just as important how I
get treated when I am doing paid office work or walking down the street as when
I am doing pelvic modeling. And I can feel
just as violated with my clothes on as I can with my genital area exposed.
Sex work: What is it? As if the words on this page isn’t doing sex
work! I can see the fine lines of
healing, sexuality, touch and without any hesitation say sex is not the problem,
nor is touch. Sex for money is not a
problem any more than paying someone to care about us through counseling,
therapy, or bodywork is a problem. There
are fine lines. Let’s live in the gray
areas and ambiguity and complexity and unravel the obstacles to the pleasure
that is our birthright.
Miranda, S. (2007, Sept/Oct/Nov). Fine lines.
BiWomen, The Newsletter of the Boston Bisexual Women’s Network 25
(4), 8.
Copyright 2007 by
Susan Miranda. All
rights reserved. No part of this writing may be reproduced or
transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including
photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,
without permission in writing from the copyright holder. For reprint
permission, email miranda_susan@yahoo.com.
