Somewhere I learned not to take life for granted. As I write this, I have been grieving for myself and for my friend the loss of her baby. Now I remember why I always say “I love you” when I think of it. Life is short. So I embrace the concept “don’t wait for what you don’t have to wait for.”
Yet some things I have waited for a very long time. My mind in all of its imagination, spontaneity and playfulness knows my fantasies of making love to someone and being made love to. My heart knows the longing and desires to have that happen in my life. And yet I wait, not willing to compromise and experience sexual intimacy with someone unless I deeply care about that person.
While I wait, reluctantly, to experience the passionate physical and sexual intimacy my mind can only imagine at this time, I have learned what is probably even more important. I’ve learned that while waiting, something else is happening, and that is life. I’ve learned to embrace this very moment in time and who and what I have in my life, and I have learned to embrace the only person who is with me all the time and that is myself.
For me, waiting is not easy. So I embrace the concept “don’t wait for what you don’t have to wait for.” Don’t wait for the playfulness and love that can happen in so many friendships of all different kinds. Don’t wait to enjoy the sensuality and flirtations that can exist in brief moments of knowing many people. Don’t wait for the sexual pleasure that we can give to ourselves that is not like being with another person but that is sexual pleasure no less. Don’t wait to know the complexity of love and that life is not so simple as either/or. I’ve had friends who were lovers and lovers who seemed more like friends.
Don’t wait to be present in this moment. Don’t wait to take the risk to say “I love you” or “I like you” or anything else that could shift or end because of a death, life transition or change in one person’s feelings. And don’t wait to know the pleasure we can give ourselves this very moment in time.
Copyright 2001 by Susan Miranda. All rights reserved. No part of this writing may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright holder. For reprint permission, email firstname.lastname@example.org.