To
say the least, Erika Lyremark, author of Think
Like a Stripper: Business Lessons to Up Your Confidence, Attract More Clients
& Rule Your Market, is witty and funny and has a unique business brand.
Regardless of what someone may think of the book title, the essence of the book
is giving helpful, insightful business tips on selling, money, hustling,
delegating, being productive and a whole lot more.
My
favorite tips address some of the more important issues in business and in
living life such as being our authentic selves, handling rejection and dealing
with failure.
In
full disclosure, I have hired Erika as a business coach and participated in two
of her programs. So no doubt I am biased in appreciating her fun and direct
style of coaching.
While
I recognize that this book is about business techniques with stripper stories incorporated
into the lessons (have I said that Erika’s branding is unique?), I cannot
review this book without looking through the lens of my work as a sexuality educator
and writer.
Erika
does a good job in the introduction and throughout the book of explaining why
she chose the title, what led her to do nine years of stripping, what were the valuable
lessons she learned and what were some of the more difficult parts of having
that job.
My
sexuality education work gives me one of the most important lenses through
which I read this book. Erika admits in the book that stripping is a job most
people would never do. I too have had a job that most people would never do.
One
of the things I have done for money is let future doctors, nurses and
chiropractors practice breast and pelvic exams on my body, teaching them how to
do the technique so that it will not be painful to future patients and also
teaching them the importance of skills like communication, sensitivity, being nonjudgmental
and showing respect.
Before
and after my five years of experience working as what is called in some parts of
the country a gynecological teaching associate, I have done sexuality education
on a range of topics. I’ve educated people on unlearning homophobia, biphobia
and sexphobia for five years. I’ve presented on the importance of self-pleasuring,
healing the entire body and looking at pleasure, touch, intimacy and sexuality as
being complex.
I
have always asked questions as a part of my work in trying to delve into
solving some of the complex sexuality problems that exist in the United States.
In one workshop, I even included dying as well as sexuality when exploring the
concept of consent in how we live all parts of our lives.
In
particular, my experience as a gynecological teaching associate got me asking
even deeper questions. What did it mean that I got paid money to let people
touch my genitals? When did it feel most respectful, and when did it not feel respectful?
Soon
I was asking questions such as: How was my letting future doctors and nurses
practice pelvic exams on me similar to or different from sex work? And what was
sex work anyway?
These
questions led me to present at a conference for sex workers. I also presented
at a conference held by the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance in Washington,
D.C., an organization that supports a range of sexual freedom issues, including
sex workers’ rights.
So,
from all of these perspectives, the part of Erika Lyremark’s book that
resonated the most with me was Stripper Tip #65: Don’t strip off the clock. She
writes (p. 121):
But the one thing I didn’t like was the
expectation that I would act like a stripper outside the club.
At
work, indulging someone’s fantasy was my job. Period. Outside of work, I was college-bound,
book-loving Erika. I was not a topless exhibition waiting to happen and I was
not pleased when strange men at a party would ask me for a dance.
These
are the topics I talk about the most in my sexuality education work: the
importance of honesty, respect, consent and the fact that it does not matter as
much what we do or say as how we do it or say it.
I’ve
learned about what is important after years of searching for answers to our
serious sexuality problems in the United States, which include incest; rape; HIV/STIs;
unplanned pregnancies; relationship problems and problems with intimacy; touch
deprivation; discomfort with the body, emotions and sexuality; the lack of
pleasure in our society and difficulty in experiencing orgasm.
It
does not matter to me if someone exchanges sex for money. What matters to me is
that there is respect, consent and dignity in every situation. It does not
matter to me if someone is a stripper, exotic dancer or burlesque performer, or
takes their clothes off in public for an audience or for money. What matters to
me is that there is respect, consent and dignity in every situation. It does not
matter to me what someone wears or if someone is in touch with sensuality or
eroticism or sexuality in how they express themselves in the world. What matters
to me is that we find a way to treat each other with respect in all situations—at
home, at work, out in the street, at social gatherings, in relationships and in
dating.
It
does not matter to me if I am talking about sex and sexuality publicly or in my
writings or undergoing pelvic exams for money. What matters is that I am shown
respect.
I
am a sexuality educator. I know that sometimes we start at zero with learning
these skills of communication and respect and how to manage intimacy and
consent in all parts of our lives. I find myself talking to people at bus
stops, at temporary jobs and at parties because I feel so passionate about
these issues. So it does not matter to me if someone needs to learn these skills
from scratch or whether we make mistakes when trying to have fun and find love,
sex and intimacy in our lives. What does matter to me is that we have an
intention to learn, grow and do our best. We need to show respect and have
consent in all situations in and out of the stripper club.
Stripping
may have been mostly a job for Erika Lyremark, as she makes clear over and over
in the book: her purpose for doing it was to make money. However, as a
sexuality educator trying to solve some of the most serious sexuality problems
in the United States, I will go on record as saying that I support people doing
what they choose for work and money as long as it is consensual. The problem is
not sex work or stripping or an exchange of money for sex or for anything else,
including business coaching. The problem is when people feel they can be
disrespectful for any reason.
Think
Like a Stripper is officially for sale! http://tinyurl.com/ccgornd
Copyright 2013 by
Susan Miranda. All
rights reserved. No part of this writing may be reproduced or
transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including
photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,
without permission in writing from the copyright holder. For reprint
permission, email miranda_susan@yahoo.com.
